everything with amber

For years I prayed to be a mom. I took prescriptions and supplements, had surgery, changed my diet, fasted, got shots, took my I temperature each morning, and counted days between having sex to become a mom.

One day, I did become a mom. It’s been the best, and hardest, years of my life.

I’m not a bad mom, and on some days I’m even a pretty good mom. I thought I’d be a better mom.

What I am is a makeshift mom.

Makeshift: cope, get by, scrape by, make do, scrounge, survive (Merriam -Webster Thesaurus)

I’m not talking about having piles of laundry, a dirty floor, a messy car, forgetting to change the air filter, or missing the dog groomer appointment.

I’m talking about my essence being utterly thrown together and hanging on by a thread.

All.of.the.time.

My son may not know it now. One day he’ll be old enough and know enough to see through my facade of having it together. It’s beginning to crack reveal my true existence already.

Once I even tried to make a better choice. Our boy was watching TV and I was scrolling my timeline. I decided to put my phone down and asked him if we could play? Without looking up he said, “Do you have work to do with your phone?”

Not the enthusiastic “yes mommy!” I had envisioned.

I don’t want to be better at looking like the real thing. I want to be better at being the real thing. Let it be said of me that I:

Get off my phone.

Plan his learning.

Am a safe place.

Arrange new experiences.

Read everyday.

Turn off the TV or iPad.

Prep healthy food.

Maintain my looks.

Don’t lose or forget anything.

Stick to the schedule.

Parent consciously.

Pray more.

Make money and budget wisely.

Exercise for me and with him.

Read my Bible and teach it to him.

Say our affirmations.

Keep all appointments for me, him, dog, and the car.

Work full time like I don’t have a family.

Go to church.

Connect with family.

Be a good wife.

Have friends and spend time with them.

Make a chore chart.

Teach him about work and the value of money.

Do all the tings the school wants and needs.

Pay all the bills on time.

Take your vitamins.

Drink water.

Clean the house.

And on, and on, and on…

This year we will be blessed with a new addition. I’m excited, and terrified. Will I be a makeshift mom forever?

My dream is to not just rise above surviving as a mom. I want to raise my children. I want to fill them with so much love, strength, truth, wisdom, and confidence that they never become makeshift parents themselves.

Wow, is it hard to do that for your children when your still master it for yourself!

What helps you mom? How do you put the puzzle pieces together?

Everything With Amber, ©️2020

The book that helped me overcome postpartum depression: https://amazon.com/dp/0578960915

The book created to equip my children with wisdom from my past: https://amzn.to/3JmFtAj

Praying Your Children Through the School Year: 30 Prayers for a Safe and Successful School Year https://a.co/d/6PNwJLWhttps://a.co/d/6PNwJLW

Connect with Amber on all platforms: https://linktr.ee/AmberBlakes